When We Were Young Merry Coffee in Arendelle
by ourheroregina
Summary: Written for Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar 2018. On Christmas Eve, Regina Mills returns to Arendelle, the town where she met her first love. Memories overwhelm her.


Nice reading!

 **When We Were Young. Merry Coffee in Arendelle - OQ AU**

Putting a cup of steaming coffee onto the table in front of the huge window, Regina takes off her coat and sits down on the chair. She places her purse and scarf on the chair beside her, since the cafe is almost empty tonight, only a few loners like herself are here, and opens the book she's brought.

She doesn't start reading right away, though. Instead, she lets her eyes travel around the decorated coffee shop, her eyes lingering on the windows, and she watches the snow falling down on the dark main street of Arendelle.

Somewhere in the back of her head, an annoying voice reminds her just how pathetic she is for coming here in order to soothe her aching soul.

She doesn't let that voice ruin her already hard day, so she blinks her eyes turning away from the window and looks down to her book, inhaling deeply the enchanting scent of coffee.

But she never starts reading.

Instead, her thoughts wander down the bumpy road that is her life. It's funny how lonely she feels without her son, it feels as if a part of her has just been taken away. She cannot even begin to imagine how she would've felt in their empty house all alone.

The advent month has never been easy for Regina. She still has memories of her childhood Christmases, can still remember the excitement that filled her veins, and the good kind of anticipation that followed her during the whole magical month. However, as she got older, Christmas turned darker - her grandparents had passed away and instead of laughing with them, Regina found herself laying under the Christmas tree, wishing that the people so dear to her were still there.

It hasn't gotten any better during the years, not until the time she's spent in Arendelle. It brought happiness back into her life, brought back the Christmas spirit, the spirit that was stolen from her again so brutally and quickly.

Even years later, during the Christmas period, the memories that haunt her are still heavy.

It would've been too hard to spend Christmas back in Storybrooke without Henry. Her son is having the time of his life with his birth mother, her husband and his half-sister, she reminds herself. After all, she couldn't have stopped him from having a funny Christmas instead of spending time with his mother, just the two of them in the huge house watching the same Christmas movies as always.

But loneliness makes Regina do stupid things, so she made a very impulsive decision (again), took her purse and bought tickets to the only other destination that held a special place in her heart – Arendelle. Five hours later here she is, sitting in her favorite café in the world, drinking too sweet coffee with her favorite book in hand.

Anger at herself bubbles up within her as she considers what Mother would have to say about her decision to come here again.

Twenty years ago, on a Christmas Eve, she ran away to Arendelle as well. It was the only destination available on the Christmas night and she didn't hesitate to buy a ticket. She needed to escape her mother, for she was suffocating in the life she was living and she didn't want to feel that way anymore.

Her phone buzzes in the purse, snapping Regina out of her thoughts. She takes it out and unlocks, finds a message from Henry. There's a photo of him and Hope, Emma's daughter, under the too decorated Christmas tree, both of them having huge smiles on their faces. 'Merry Christmas, mom!' is written under the photo.

Regina smiles, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. She curses herself for being this emotional and types back, _"Merry Christmas, Henry. I love you."_

She wonders what Henry would think, if he knew that his mother is at the other end of the country now.

Once her phone is back in her purse, Regina takes the cup from the table and lifts it up to her lips. The coffee is still hot, and the first sip burns down her throat. It is a little too sweet for her current taste; she likes her coffee black and strong now, not this fake coffee substitute with milk.

However, a smile spreads across Regina's lips – as much as she finds the sweetness disgusting now, this coffee still tastes the same. She was very surprised when she entered the cafe and saw that _Merry Coffee_ was still on the menu. She couldn't help herself but order it right away, as a bittersweet feeling settled in her stomach.

Many things have changed in Arendelle since the last time Regina's been here, but the coffee still tastes the same.

It's funny how much meaning this café has in her life. It was the safe haven for Regina the first time she was here. She would come and sit here all day long, laughing along with the man she's met here... her soulmate, as she used to call him. He would play his old guitar and sing his own songs to the people in the café, bringing smiles onto people's faces, and Regina would sit right beside him, listening to his velvety voice, letting it soothe all of her aching parts.

Even two decades later, her first destination in town was this coffee shop.

All of a sudden Regina feels nostalgic, and her hand tightens around the cup of coffee. She was aware that coming here would wake up all the memories, and a part of her wanted to relive that time because it was the best time of her life, but the other part was dreading the pain that would be brought back into her soul.

Regina met the love of her life here. And then he was cruelly taken away from her.

They've met just outside the same cafe for that first time. Even now from the cafeteria's window Regina can see the place where she met Robin Locksley.

It happened on Christmas Eve, the same night that Regina arrived to Arendelle. She was wandering down the main street of the little town, not knowing where to go or what to do. She was only a seventeen-year-old teenager who ran away from home during holidays, without any real plan.

It was well past midnight and the streets were empty and dark, all the windows dark except from the shining Christmas lights in some of them. Children were peacefully sleeping in their beds, anticipating the morning to see the presents Santa brought them, while their parents put boxes under the Christmas trees and Regina was all alone in the unknown town, shivering and afraid.

It was a rather cold night back then, the snow had covered the roofs and streets, and her coat wasn't as thick as she'd thought it would be. Her fingers were frozen in her gloves as was her red nose, and the bag on her back felt heavier and heavier with every step she took.

She was exhausted and conflicted, and had nowhere to go. It would have taken only a tiny snowflake falling on her face to make her cry. And it was then that she heard music playing somewhere in the street. The sounds lead her to the man playing guitar in an empty street under the streetlight, a man who stole her heart in just a few weeks.

His fingers were frozen from the cold but they were still moving, pressing the strings and playing a Christmas song she'd never heard before. When she came closer to him, she noticed his red nose, rosy cheeks and deep blue eyes, eyes that she's never ever forgotten.

Regina cannot tell what had made her stop right then - was it his voice, his blue eyes, or the fact that she had nowhere to go? – but she had stopped beside him, frozen in place, and listened to his wonderful voice. Robin was handsome, and he had dimples in his cheeks, dimples that brought a smile on her own face that very difficult night.

She sat down on the bench in front of him – which was a very stupid idea, by the way, because she had gotten very sick – and listened. He smiled at her but didn't stop playing, singing song after song, his voice never faltering.

She fell asleep on that bench without even realizing – his sweet voice and the fatigue lulled her to sleep – and was woken up by a cold palm touching her cheek. When her eyes fluttered open none other than the unknown musician was right in front of her, his dimples flashing at her as he smiled at her warmly.

He had taken her to the cafeteria to warm up, even after how much she insisted that she was fine. They sat at the small round table in the corner of the empty café – it was still very early on Christmas morning and usually people didn't visit places like this on Christmas morning, Regina had wondered why was it even open. That Christmas morning Robin introduced himself and the most delicious coffee she's ever drunk into her life.

She was a bit reckless and innocent back then, and she shared her story with him, a complete stranger (she blames his blue eyes on that, they enchanted her from the moment she met him), told about her overbearing mother and how she just couldn't let her control all of her life anymore.

They'd spent the whole day talking in the cafeteria. He told her that he was just an unemployed musician who came here after his own parents disowned him. He did some jobs here and there but most of the time he spent in the street, singing to strangers.

He suggested to her to rent a place at Granny's diner, and, since Regina knew nothing about the town and had very little money on hand, she agreed. They became neighbors, but only for a few months: because on Regina's birthday, she finally acted on her feelings, found the courage and kissed him. That was when their romance began.

She fell for him hard and fast and the life they'd been living became glorious to her. She was painting random people in the streets while Robin played and then, in the evening, they would come to the cafe and drink their favorite coffee before they would head home holding hands.

For the first time in her life, Regina felt alive. She was free and loved, and thought that this feeling would last forever.

But then, after more than two years, her mother showed up in their trashy apartment and took Regina away, threatening to put Robin in jail if she didn't go back to Storybrooke. And Regina knew her mother, knew that it was very possible, so she went home, crying and with a broken heart, but she left Robin, and his shocked faced hunted her dreams for years.

Regina had never seen nor heard from Robin again.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but we're closing."

Regina blinks her eyes a few times to return to reality. She nods her head to the smiling waitress and closes the book she hasn't even read, wraps the scarf around her neck, puts on her coat and takes her purse. After buying one last cup of coffee, she wishes Merry Christmas to the waitress and leaves the cafe.

As soon as she's out of the warmth and comfort of the coffee shop, cold bites at her cheeks, making a shiver run down her spine. She wraps her arms tighter around herself and makes her way through the darkness of the night.

The Christmas songs are still playing in the night, merry and cheerful songs, and lights are shining in every window. The atmosphere feels magical and Regina decides to go downtown, which is only a few minutes away (everything is only a few minutes away in Arendelle) to watch the grand Christmas tree.

After all, her train leaves at 7 AM, she still has a few hours to kill.

As she makes her way through the streets, holding coffee in a frozen hand, memories flood her mind. Every place has a meaning. A bench on the right is the same bench where she and Robin met, a corner of the street reminds her of stolen kisses.

When she passes the brand new restaurant, where a small grocery shop used to be, Regina's heart breaks. Not everything that happened here was joyful and perfect. A few months after living together with Robin, he got a call from his sister that his mother had passed away. Belle made him promise not to come to the funeral because she wasn't even supposed to tell him that in the first place.

It was when Robin's personality changed. He started drinking (again, as she found out from Granny) and things got out of control. Her cheerful and good-hearted Robin became sad and angry, and sometimes, on bad days (there were many bad days) he would be too drunk to even come home.

Regina was only eighteen years old and she was running in the streets, looking for a drunken lover, tears running down her face because she never knew what state he would be in and if she was even going to find him. She knew that he was a criminal and had problems in life before, she knew he'd been in jail, but she'd never thought that she would see him this low herself.

However, it didn't stop her from loving him. Every single beat of her heart was for him, and she was ready to fight. He would disappear for days, leaving Regina worried sick, and she would shout to him and cry when he returned, but in the end, she would just hug him tight and make him promise to never do that again.

When she thinks about it now, she realizes that she should've never put herself through all of that. Nobody is worth a fight like that, but at that moment, Robin was all Regina had cared about and she was ready to sacrifice everything for him. She realizes now that it would have never worked out for them, that they were on their way to destroy their lives completely.

By the time her mother found them, Robin was getting better. He wasn't drinking on a daily basis, he was back in the streets playing music and trying to get back on his feet. He called Regina his savior, his salvation, his feather of hope because she'd saved his life.

Regina wonders if he's alive now, wonders if he's still playing, if he's drinking, if he still thinks about her like she thinks about him. Considering how fast he was poisoning himself with alcohol, he's probably not even here anymore. She doubts he stayed sober after she was torn out of his life.

It makes her heart ache, makes tears collect in her eyes, because despite all the fear and hurt and pain, Regina loved him, still loves him.

That trip to Arendelle had saved her life. When she came back home, her life turned into hell all over again, but something had changed within her. Despite the fact that she was followed at every step, was driven from school to home by a driver who didn't let her out of his sight, Regina felt that she had at least a bit of control over her life. She knew that she could survive on her own.

She was determined to fight and be free again.

There's ink on her body now, a tiny feather on her wrist, a reminder that everything that happened in Arendelle was real and that to someone she was good enough. It's a small proof that she was strong enough to achieve what she wanted – freedom.

She doesn't know the real reason why she's here tonight. She could have chosen any other destination, she could have driven to Hyperion Heights or even bought tickets to Europe, but instead she chose to travel here. She'd been happy here, and loved, and every now and then she wants to feel like that again.

When she finally reaches the downtown, her jaw drops open. The Christmas tree is huge this year, the lights are bright, and the ornaments are mesmerizing. It looks nothing like the pathetic tree that used to stand here years ago.

There are only a few people in the square, families and lovers wishing Merry Christmas to each other, kissing and hugging while little children babble about the presents they're going to receive when they get home.

Twenty years ago in the very same place she was kissing the man of her dreams under the Christmas tree, not even considering the idea that they could ever be apart.

Regina throws her head back to look to the top of the tree, and before she knows it, tears are running down her cheeks. The tree is so beautiful, the music is so heartwarming, and she's standing here all alone, tortured by the memories of the life that's long gone, and missing her son terribly.

"Milady?"

The lump in her throat only becomes tighter as Robin's voice echoes through her head. She's missed him so much.

"Regina?"

Another tear rolls down her cheek as his voice echoes again. Even after two decades his voice is still ringing in the back of her head, as loving and strong as always, making goose-bumps appear on her chilled skin.

"Regina? Is that really you?"

A hand is placed on her shoulder and the touch startles her, makes her turn around immediately with wide eyes and rapidly beating heart. There's a man behind her, a man with deep blue eyes and dimples in his cheeks, a man who promised her undying love.

"Robin?"

A shocked expression spreads on Regina's face and she blinks her eyes repeatedly, trying to figure out if she's hallucinating. It can't be real, can it?

But the image of him doesn't fade away, and he's real and he's pulling her into his arms, his frozen cheeks touching hers. His arms fold around her tightly while Regina stands frozen in place, not being able to move a muscle.

He's really here.

Alive.

Breathing.

All of a sudden more tears start running down Regina's cheeks and she doesn't know if it's shock or happiness, or both, and finally she wraps her arms around him.

"Is this really happening?" she asks, her voice shaking as much as her whole body. Robin's shivering as well, and she's pretty sure that it's not from the cold.

When she inhales deeply in order to calm herself down (she doesn't want to be pathetic), the forest scent fills her senses and it only makes her even more emotional.

They hold each other for what feels like forever, and when they finally pull apart, their eyes meet, gazes locking. For a moment, Regina's heart stops beating in her chest and her breath gets caught in her throat as she stares into the blue of Robin's eyes.

"You're alive," she finally lets out and a stray tear rolls down her cheek.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asks in a playful tone, but the look in his eyes gives him away – he knows what she means. Breaking the eye contact, he unwraps his arms from around her and takes a step back. "What are you doing here?"

Regina misses his warmth immediately but she takes a step back too – after all, whatever has happened between them, happened years ago, and he might not be the same person as he was (she's not the same person, for sure).

"I'm here for a quick visit. I'm leaving in the morning." Regina replies. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Robin smiles sheepishly at her, the dimples in his cheeks still making her knees go weak. "I come here every Christmas. I walk down the streets, sometimes play guitar and drink _Merry Coffee_ in the downtown. It's my safe haven, you know."

"Some things never change," Regina says and a small smile spreads across her face.

"Indeed."

Regina swallows hard over the sudden lump in her throat and looks up at him again. They've been separated for years but he still makes her feel _things_.

All of a sudden the atmosphere between them changes, one moment Robin's staring into her eyes and the other he's taking a step closer and she's too, and before she can think about it, her arm is wrapped around his neck as she presses her lips against his.

For a moment, she lets herself not to worry about the possibility that Robin has a wife or a lover – she needs it, and by the way he reacts, he needs it too.

He doesn't seem surprised and kisses her right back, his own arms coming to wrap around her waist and pull her closer. Christmas music fades to the background as do the voices of people around them, and for a moment nothing seems to matter anymore.

"I've missed you," Robin breathes against her lips when they break the kiss and pulls away a bit so he can see her better.

"And I, you,"

Robin looks good, the years did nothing to make him less handsome. She found him attractive in his twenties, but she finds him even more handsome now with stubble and small wrinkles around his eyes, his grey hair, deep dimples and mesmerizing blue eyes, always stealing her breath.

"Let me take you somewhere warmer," he suggests, "We have a lot of catching up to do. That is, of course, if you have a few hours to spare."

Regina glances at her watch. It's 2 AM now and her train leaves at 7, so she nods her head in agreement. A smile spreads across Robin's face and he takes her hand in his, leads her through the still dark and empty street towards Granny's diner, and for a moment, Regina is taken back in time.

It's not Granny who runs the business anymore, Robin tells her, the woman died a few years ago after a long fight with cancer. Now the place belongs to Ruby, her granddaughter, and the younger woman always saves a room for Robin during Christmas period.

Regina laughs when Robin leads her up the stairs to the second floor and to the first apartment on the right. They used to live in the same apartment, but when she enters it, nothing looks the same. Their trashy and messy apartment with only one bed now has a chest of drawers and a TV, there's a king sized bed as well as a couch in the middle of the room, and the walls have been repainted. There's a small artificial Christmas tree standing by the wall.

It looks nothing like their safe haven used to look.

Robin offers her coffee and a few minutes later they're both sitting on the sofa in front of each other, smiling to one another. Regina doesn't know what to say, what to ask, so she takes the cup and sips her coffee, letting the warm liquid soothe her chilled bones.

"I'm sorry for everything I've made you go through," Robin breaks the silence, making Regina look up from her cup and to him. He looks uncomfortable, and Regina wants to tell him that it's nothing, it's all in the past but he continues, "You were so young back then and I turned your already hard life into hell. I'm so sorry, Regina."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," she assures him, leaning over and taking his hand in hers, squeezing it in reassurance. It's in the past now, and the hard times are not the ones she remembers. "Just tell me you're not drinking anymore."

"Of course not!" he assures her. "After I got out of prison, I haven't drunk."

Regina raises an eyebrow at him in question. "What did you do to get into prison again?"

"You didn't know?" Robin frowns, making Regina even more confused. "Your mother accused me of stealing her necklace. I've spent five years in prison."

Anger bubbles up within Regina, her face turning red as she curses her mother. It's not good to speak ill of the dead, but Cora Mills deserved every single bad word Regina wants to tell her.

"I'm so sorry, Robin," Regina says, looking away from him. "I didn't know. I swear if I had any idea, I would have done something to get you out of there."

"It's fine, Regina," he tells her, his voice steady and strong, leaving no place for argument.

He takes a cup of coffee from the coffee table and drinks it, humming at the taste of it – it's not a _Merry Coffee_ but it's good anyways, and Regina takes that moment to simply look at his gorgeous face.

"Tell me about your life," Robin asks, changing the subject.

Regina breathes a little bit easier – it's a much lighter topic, the one she doesn't mind talking about.

"Well, I'm the mayor of the small town," Regina starts, laughing when Robin's eyes widen in surprise. She rolls her eyes at him playfully – she'd told him that she would never ever do something related to politics and here she is now – and continues, "I have a son, Henry. He's sixteen. It's just the two of us since my husband passed away a few years ago."

"I'm sorry about your husband."

"It's fine," Regina assures him because she's loved Daniel, she really did, but it was more like a friendly love, not like the one she shared with Robin. They'd gotten along quite nicely but they'd always been more friends than lovers.

"Where is your son now? Is he here, in Arendelle?"

"He's with his birth mother, celebrating Christmas."

Robin nods his head in understanding, and Regina has to blink her eyes to will the tears away. She'll see Henry in a few hours, there's no need to be emotional anymore, she scolds herself.

"What about you?" Regina asks, clearing her throat.

"Well, I'm a music teacher now," he reveals, and Regina can only smile – he's always loved children and music, it seems like a perfect job for him. "I have a son, Roland, he's four, and he's spending Christmas with his mother."

"It seems like we're both left alone during Christmas," she says with a sad smile on her face.

Robin nods in agreement, "The story is repeating itself. When we were young, we met because of loneliness and the unfairness of the world, and tonight the same thing lead us to one another again."

Regina only hums in response – he's right.

For a moment, they sit in silence, drinking their coffee, lost in their thoughts. Regina turns to look at Robin and he does the same and when their eyes meet, the breath gets stuck in Regina's throat. There's something in Robin's eyes, a glint of hurt mixed with hope, and maybe a little bit of desire.

Without even thinking about it, Regina puts the cup on the coffee table and moves closer to Robin and presses her lips against his.

It's a sweet kiss, gentle and nice, no burning passion to fuel it, but it still has warmth spreading all over Regina's body. One of Robin's hand tangles in her hair, the other settles on her lower back as he deepens the kiss while Regina wraps one arm around his neck, rests the other on his chest and lets herself get lost in the kiss.

"I've never stopped thinking about you," Robin admits breathlessly when they break apart to stop the burning in their lungs, their foreheads pressed against each other.

"Me too," she says, still panting for air. "But it wouldn't have worked out for us, and you know it. We were destroying ourselves."

Robins nods and then he's kissing her again.

Their love could have ruined them, but at least it was real, and strong and is still burning deep within their chests. It would have been worth it.

Regina settles on his lap and they kiss and kiss and kiss, until they're dizzy due to the lack of oxygen. With her head rested on his chest and his arms wrapped around her in a way he used to do when they were together, Regina tells him about her life after returning from Arendelle, and Robin tells her about his time in jail and how he met Marian and how every holiday reminded him of Regina.

When he notices her tattoo, his eyes fill with tears and he thanks her for saving his life over and over again, his words followed by kisses, all the while his thumb rubs absentmindedly over the ink.

They laugh and cry and smile and by the time Regina has to leave, her heart is breaking all over again. She doesn't want to go but Henry is coming home later today and she missed him, and she's not a teenager without responsibilities anymore, so, even though unwillingly, she untangles herself from Robin's embrace and collects her things, kissing him at every chance she gets.

"Is there a way to make you stay?" Robin asks when Regina puts on her coat and wraps her scarf around her neck.

"No," she shakes her head sadly.

"Well, if you're lonely next year, you know where to find me," he tells her in what is supposed to be a cheerful tone before pulling her into a quick kiss. "I'll always be here waiting for you, Regina."

Regina kisses him one last time before turning on her hell and walking out of _their_ apartment with an aching heart.

She makes it to the station right on time and when she's sitting in the train on her way back to Storybrooke, she realizes that the crazy idea to come to Arendelle again was one of the best decisions she's ever made, and maybe, just maybe, she'll come back next year.


End file.
